What Do Women REALLY Want?
One of my favorite rom-coms of the last few years is Hitch. I watch it with about the same frequency as women watch BBW, The Bachelor, and all those mainstream reality shows. Aside from Will Smith being one of the most multi-faceted actors in Hollywood, he executed the role of date-doctor Alex Hitchens with such precision. The irony of a love doctor being too flustered to follow his own advice is a mirror to conversations that happen every single day; especially among women. Women are professionals at telling their home-girls what they need to do or what they shouldn’t tolerate from “ol boy”. Yet their dating life is like a bootleg; not much quality, but it’s enough.
I thought this video was an interesting spin on what women want and how it changes as they mature. Granted it was for more comedy purposes. But honestly, after watching it a few times and talking to some women I know with variables, I’m positive that women plateau at about the age of 27 or 28. What they want becomes reflective of the lifestyle they already have or are very close to obtaining. Sounds obvious right? Nope! That’s where these contradictions come in:
1. “Personality Means More Than Looks.”
This is the biggest lie we all tell, right next to “it wasn’t me”! For women though, a good-looking guy can get away with a hell of a lot more than an ugly dude. A 10 with a 4 personality will get far more chances than a 4 with a 10 personality. Women gravitate towards looks more than they do a personality, just as we do. They’ll dispute this to their death. So the litmus test is to play a game of “marry, f*ck, kill” and pay attention to the celebrity guys they’d “marry”. I’m willing to bet my Entourage DVD collection that the guys they’d “marry” have a well-documented shady history with women.
“I’m independent, a guy is a plus not a must.”
Support is support, whether it’s emotional, mental, or financial. Everybody needs a cheerleader. You show me a person that says they don’t need a cheerleader and I’ll show you someone who hasn’t accomplished much. Some women are too independent for their own good, so they associate being dependent on a man with being told what to do. But how’s this for irony – women read blogs daily to tell them how to get a man, keep him, and please him, don’t they? In fact, most of the recognizable relationship/dating blogs are managed by men they’ll never meet, let alone date. Surprise, surprise, that’s a form of being dependent. Subliminally.
“I want a guy that’s drama-free. I hate drama.”
Any relationship without a level of drama or conflict is stale. My parents were together 34 years, before my pops passed. Week after week, my mother would ask my dad to water the grass. It’s a chore that would literally take 5 minutes of his time. And every week he’d find an excuse not to do it. So they’d have words back and forth. It’s not the type of drama that warrants a visit on Maury. But it’s drama nonetheless. And here’s a novel idea that some women overlook; they create the drama that they supposedly despise. No wonder your last few boyfriends have been “crazy as hell”. Don’t taunt a dog and then be shocked when he reacts.
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“Don’t buy me stuff, all I need is your time.”
There’s a quote that goes something like “the guy with no money has a lot of time, but the guy with a lot of money has no time”. If you want a man who’ll provide financial security, you have to make the sacrifice of not seeing him very often. People throw salt on Diddy’s philandering ways, but he’s not married for a reason. He’s off making money to provide for the 7011 kids he has. Now I know you might be thinking; “well if he makes times for his kids, he can make time for a wife.” Not exactly. Kids require a different type of time and attention. For example, every year, Diddy takes his kids to NBA All-Star. Would a wife have fun doing that year after year? Probably not. Plus Diddy has Cassie, so…..
To dispel all the contradictions that women have in telling us what they want would take more white space than I’m willing to give. Some contradictions are ethnic or age specific. However, as a whole, these are the 4 that I’ve consistently heard from unmarried women transcending all lines. Everybody has their list of must-haves and nice-to-haves. But aside from those preferences, you have to be realistic. Finesse ends the video by saying you need to have a blueprint so you know what you’re looking for in a guy. But I disagree! The only way to make our jobs as men a little easier is to not have a list at all and take every guy on his own merit.*
* Having a job, being attracted to him, and not involved in any weird shit are the minimums that should be met.